Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
