He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
