Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is wine microwaveable?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Vodka?
Forever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
