is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
