i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize