Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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