I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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