dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize