Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
