i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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