ugly people sure do ruin things
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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