I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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