so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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