My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize