I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize