so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
