I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
