So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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