so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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