What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
