new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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