I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
