Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
