So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You may now shotgun with the bride
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
