how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
