dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
