The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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