Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Randomize
