I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize