Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize