I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
