dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
