I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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