At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
