Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
