I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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