He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
