he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
