Why are handjobs necessary in class?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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