I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
