I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
