I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
