I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
