he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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