I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We need to get me chipped asap
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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