I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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