I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
