she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
