I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
