finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
