just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
