The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
