Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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