Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
