I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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