not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
