What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
