Need sex. Gaining weight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
