We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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