I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
