So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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