Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize