i just wanna soil my oats bro
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
