Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
